


Want Me

by canpru



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jealousy, Loss of Parent(s), M/M, Murder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-13 06:22:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29522205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canpru/pseuds/canpru
Summary: Alfred is everything Matthew could never be.
Relationships: America/Japan (Hetalia), Canada/Prussia (Hetalia), England/France (Hetalia), Female England/France (Hetalia)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	Want Me

**Author's Note:**

> So uhhh I wrote this when I was fifteen. I am nineteen now. I literally didn't edit more than a few sentences, so please be kind to my fragile heart. This is also a song fic and the song mentions poisonings and a graphic description of a dead body. But other than that I think I've tagged everything? I don't know what else to say about this it's one of my more embarrassing works.

_You pulled up at the house at half past seven_

_In your '69 Impala, you shook hands with my father_

_And we stopped off at the drug store by the drive-in_

_For some Trojans and a six-pack, but still your eyes_

_Kept wandering back to her_

_It's always her_

_So let's get one thing straightened out here, sir_   
  
  
  


Matthew and Alfred could get along fine. They were inseparable as kids. When they were babies they were found all alone in picnic basket, hidden behind some bushes in a small park. They were lucky to be found by a kind old women who heard their cries. It was such a hot summer day and by the time they were taken to the hospital, they were dehydrated and starving. It took the doctors weeks to get their fevers down and a month till they were healthy enough to find themselves in a boys home.

For years they only had each other. They shared everything and though the boys were polar opposites, there was never a pair of siblings that got along better. They even created their own language. Even after they were adopted, there was no one they trusted more than each other.

It was actually Alfred that got Matthew adopted. 

Since the boys were kids, Alfred had always been the favorite, and Matthew was mostly okay with that. He was outgoing, he always had friends, he was funny, loved, and adored by all the girls in school. He got good grades and when he got older he found himself a place on the high school football team. Matthew on the other hand was not as outgoing or talented. Sure he could play hockey like a pro, and Gilbert seemed to think he was lovely. But Matthew never had many friends. He wasn't well known. Not many kids even remembered his name. He was just "Alfred's Twin." Nothing special about him. While Matthew was jealous, he didn't hate Alfred. He admired him too. And maybe he didn't have the most friends, but he had a few, and he had his brother. He had Gilbert too. 

While in the system, the boys found themselves in and out of homes. Well..Alfred did. Everyone adored Alfred and he was almost adopted many times. But most of the families didn't even notice Matthew at first, or were looking for just one kid. Alfred was stubborn though, he wouldn't go anywhere without Matthew. By the time they were seven, people just stopped trying all together. They were both too old, everyone wanted babies. But Alfred didn't regret anything.

When they were ten, they met Francis and Alice. They wanted kids so badly, but couldn't have their own. As soon as they laid their eyes on the twins, they fell in love. And while it was easier for them to get Alfred to open up faster than Matthew, they loved the boys the same.   
  
  


"I don't see why you get so nervous every time you two are gonna go on a date. You've been together for months." Alfred said, his voice muffled by the closed door. 

Matthew didn't understand either. Surely if Gilbert didn't want to go on a date he wouldn't ask, he wasn't shy. So why did Matthew get so nervous every time he came around? Why did he get so self conscious about what he wore or how his hair was parted? He didn't know, but he still found himself locked in the bathroom, facing the mirror with a frown. 

"Matt..Matthew..Bro...Dude. Matthew.. Mattie. MATTHEW!" 

"I heard you the first time!" Matthew called back. "What is it?" 

"Bro I need to SHOWER. He loves you, you look fine. Now please get out of the bathroom." Alfred whined. 

Matthew sighed and opened the door. Alfred pulled him out roughly, slamming the door once he was inside. Matthew couldn't help but laugh as he made his way back to his room.   
  


"Twenty says he forgot." Francis, their father said with a frown. 

"Forty says he breaks up with Matthew tonight." Alfred shot back.

"We can only hope." Francis said with a smirk. 

Matthew's chest began to hurt. What if he was? What if that's why he was taking so long? What if he was trying to figure out how to tell Matthew? Matthew swallowed hard and tried to focus on the wall, anything to escape the way they looked at him.

"That's not funny. Look what you did, Matthew's upset." Alice, their mother said as she sat next to him. 

Alfred rolled his eyes. "I was kidding!" He said in an annoyed tone. "God, Matt. Can't you take a joke?" 

Francis spoke up, trying to stop the argument between the twins. "IF he was going to do that tonight, we'd take care of him. Wouldn't we, Alfred?" 

"Why would I care?" Alfred said dully. 

Now Alfred acted like he didn't take the big brother role, but it wasn't hard for everyone to see he cared for his brother a lot. They were seventeen now, but they both were guilty of treating the other like kids. 

'Alfred, don't do that, you'll get hurt.'

'Matthew, you idiot, that's hot.'

'Alfred, it's freezing out you can't go out like that!'

'If you break my brothers heart, I will break your arm and staple dead birds to your car.' 

That sort of stuff.

Matthew jumped up at the sound of a knock at the door. He hurried out of the kitchen, his father not far behind. 

Matthew opened the door with a smile. "Gilbert! I thought you forgot."

Gilbert smiled nervously. "I had to take my bike here. My car isn't working for some reason."

"Your car isn't 'working' because you got a tire cap on it. Nice parking job man." Alfred said with a laugh.

Francis cleared his throat. "I thought you were a GOOD driver."

Gilbert blushed in embarrassment. "I had to take my finals and I was already late."

"Shouldn't Skype Matthew at four AM then."

Matthew threw Alfred a glare. Francis only frowned. 

"Alfred why don't you go with them?" He said, forcing a smile. "Heard the movie they're going to see is gonna be great."   
  
  
  
  


_If you think you're seeing double, let me save you some trouble_

_This ain't no two-for-one bargain here mister_

_'Cause I'm much more than just my side_

_Had enough of two-timing guys who only want me_

_'Cause they want my sister_   
  


Matthew could admit he wasn't happy with the fact his brother had to team along. However Matthew didn't have any.. alternative motives for that night. It's not as if Alfred was ruining anything by being there. No different than when he hung out with Alfred and his partner, Kiku. 

Alfred loud out a annoyed whine. "I don't want to watch a stupid romance movie. You gys pick the worst movies."

Gilbert laughed. "We weren't actually going to watch 'The Summer Without You'. We just didn't want your parents throwing a fit because I took one of their 'baby boys' to see a horror movie." 

"Matthew I could tell on you right now, ya know." Alfred teased.

"Guess we'll see the romance movie then." Matthew teased back.

"Oh God, anything but that." Alfred gagged. "Let me watch it with you and no one knows anything."

"You'll just have nightmares again." Matthew said.

"So will you!" Alfred tried.

Matthew smirked. "Yes but I wasn't the one who ran down the hall screaming because he thought that sharks were going to come out of the pipes." 

"I was eleven!"

"You were fourteen!"

"Was not!"

"Was too!"

"Boys!" Gilbert laughed loudly. "Come on, birdie. It can't hurt. If it's too much I'll just give him some money and he can hang out in the arcade." 

Matthew shrugged. It really couldn't hurt, could it?

"I can't BELIEVE you wanted to lecture ME, but you were the one who ran out before the movie ended." Alfred laughed. 

Matthew looked down at his feet and his face flushed. He was good with horror, he was. Yes he got scared easily and always had trouble sleeping, but it wasn't the horror that made him leave. 

"Come on, birdie." Gilbert said when he noticed Matthew's discomfort. "It's only a movie. Nothing's gonna happen, I promise."

"Actually..A zombie outbreak is very possible." Matthew said quietly, earning a horrified look from his twin. "But I wasn't scared I just...."

Matthew thought back to the movie. They were all having fun until..Alfred got scared. When Alfred gets scared he had a habit of grabbing onto the first thing he could. Usually this was a person or something he could use to defend himself. This time, it was Gilbert. 

Matthew knew it was wrong. He shouldn't get jealous. Especially since they both were in happy relationships. And Matthew was glad his boyfriend and brother got along. 

But even in Matthew's relationship, Alfred had the upper hand. Alfred was outgoing, funny, brave, smart, strong, and interesting. Gilbert was too. They shared a lot of interest as well. Matthew and Gilbert obviously got along if they were dating, but Matthew wasn't anything special. Alfred got everything. Matthew just looked like him. 

"Why don't you guys go ahead and watch the movie? I don't want to waste any money. I'll come back, I just need to..calm down." Matthew tried.

"But..what upset you?" Alfred asked. 

"Uhm..." Matthew tried to think of a lie. "I..I was sad because of the kid..he lost his parents to the zombies. It's..sad." 

"Jeez you're so sensitive." Gilbert teased, ruffling Matthew's hair. "Come on, Alfred. I don't want to miss the ending."

Alfred and Gilbert ran back inside, laughing as they passed a man who scolded them for it.

Matthew felt a pain in his chest. "So..you'd rather hang out with him." Matthew turned away and walked home. 

He ignored his parents questions and turned off his phone. He fell asleep before Alfred came home, but he didn't care. He didn't want to see him. He just wanted to cry. 

_My eyes are just as blue as her's_

_My hair is just as fine, and that tattoo on her lower back's_

_Exactly just like mine_

_But if you look beneath the surface_

_We're as different as can be_

_'Cause there's just one heart that beats for you and_

_That heart belongs to me and not to her_

_It's always her_

_So let's get one thing straight if I'm your girl_

Matthew could only escape so much for so long. Of course Alfred was upset he left him alone. Of course Gilbert called him, worried if he got home. Of course his parents wondered why they heard him crying.

Matthew didn't want to talk. He didn't want to admit what he feared. So he lied. Said he just didn't feel well that night. The crying was from the pain. 

Not that saying so got him off the hook. He got a lecture from him parents on telling them when somethings wrong and almost had to go to the ER. But hours passed and it didn't matter anymore. A week later everyone forgot, everything was back to normal.

But even as Matthew laughed at all of Gilbert's jokes on the phone that night, he was afraid.

Alfred could have everything. He could be perfect. He could be loved more. He could be the important kid. Matthew didn't mind letting him have all the happiness, friends, attention, love, everything. Everything but Gilbert. Matthew wouldn't survive if he lost him.

_If you think you're seeing double, let me save you some trouble_

_This ain't no two-for-one bargain here mister_

_'Cause I'm much more than just my side_

_Had enough of two-timing guys who only want me_

_'Cause they want my sister_

_Hoo-ooh_   
  


Years passed. Soon Matthew and Alfred worked their way to graduation. Alfred found himself with a scholarship and a place on a college football team. Years later he found himself on a real team. His name was known by everyone. 

Matthew worked odd jobs for a few years. Money was tight, of course. Gilbert's father owned a few businesses, but once he found out about his son being a 'dirty homosexual', Gilbert's younger brother, Ludwig, was given the businesses. However, once he had all the rights, Ludwig happily admired he wasn't that different from his brother at all. Matthew had to admit, Ludwig's husband sure knew how to plan a wedding. 

Ludwig didn't leave their father broke. Even if he wasn't happy about it, he needed his son's money to live. Not only that, but soon Gilbert and Matthew found a place working under him. Gilbert dealt with more serious matters in the businesses, finances and such. Matthew was happy to help where he could. When money got tight he'd serve at the restaurants, bar tend, or even run errands for free. Gilbert made enough for them both after all, and Matthew was noticed and powerful wherever he went. 

Matthew did soon find his own career however. He worked his way up and earned enough to open his own little restaurant. With Gilbert's help, it got popular pretty fast. Matthew was happy.

At twenty-five, Matthew and Gilbert had their lives planned out. They were happy in a great home with a nice yard; for the kids that would definitely come soon. Matthew was just waiting for the moment Gilbert finally got brave enough to pop the question. 

Life was good. 

_And if tomorrow you should die my sister would not bat an eye_

_She doesn't even know your name_

_She's going with some other guy_

_As long as she is still around I'll always have a trace of doubt_

_I need to know your love is real, but how?_

"Matthew I don't understand why you can't trust me!" Gilbert said as he banged his fist on the table. 

"Just tell me then! I know something is up. You promised there were no secrets between us, Gilbert." Matthew said, trying not to cry. "You're never home, you never want to talk or hang out, you're always hiding away and whispering on that stupid phone of yours.." 

"What do you want from me?" Gilbert asked bitterly. "Do you want to go through it? What do you think you'll find?"

"No I don't want to go through your phone!" Matthew cried, exhausted. "I just want to know what's going on. Is it me? Did I do something? Is there..someone else?"

"OH MY GOD!" Gilbert cried as he threw his hands in the air. "Yes, there is someone else. My job. Matthew, I love you, more than I could ever express. But what I don't love is what you think of me. Do you think I'd ever cheat on you? Is that REALLY how you see me?" 

Matthew felt his eyes burn, he didn't want to cry. He didn't want Gilbert to think of him as weak. He couldn't stand it if he saw Matthew the way he saw himself. 

"No..I don't think you'd cheat I just.." Matthew's voice broke and he covered his face, ashamed of the tears that he couldn't stop from falling. "I don't want to hold you back. If I'm just hurting you..If I'm not good enough and you found someone who makes you happy..."

Gilbert's face softened. "Matthew that's not it at all...I'm just...Busy. And I don't want to make you worry about me."

"Is there an issue at work?" Matthew asked, wiping his face.

Gilbert shook his head, crossing his arms. "I mean no life threatening. Yeah we're getting backlash for the foundations we donated to and such. But everyone has their own opinion on what's right and what's wrong. Money is fine too. I mean I have been paranoid over both but it's not..something I would want you losing sleep over."

Matthew nodded. "Is everything okay with Ludwig, Feliciano and the kids?" Feliciano was Ludwig's husband. Matthew had a good relationship with him.

"Oh God no!" Gilbert said, a bit surprised. "They're all healthy and safe. Dad is fine too."

Matthew nodded, his mind racing, searching for anything to explain his behavior. If it wasn't that..than what?

"Before you ask," Gilbert began. "No, it's not anything between us. Yeah, I admit I want to hang around you more. I regret how much time I've spent away from you. But you have not, nor ever done anything wrong. There is nothing you could do to ever lose my love. I promise you."

Matthew's heart stopped when he opened the box. A wedding ring, beautiful and obviously expensive, laid inside. Matthew's hands began to shake. His heart pounding as he cried. 

Matthew had seen Gilbert with Alfred today. This wouldn't be strange if it weren't for the fact Gilbert had swore up and down he was swamped with work. Obviously he wasn't too busy to share a meal with Matthew's brother in the very restaurant Matthew owned. Of course Matthew wasn't supposed to be there, but he had left his parent's home early. 

Now this didn't seem like a lot. However, these just happened to be the very pants Gilbert was wearing that day. 

So that was his plan? What about Matthew? What about Kiku, Alfred's boyfriend. What about the future they had talked about? What about the life they built, the years they spent together. 

Alfred could have everything, he could rip it from Matthew's hands. But he would not steal Gilbert. Not now, not ever. 

Matthew placed the box back, placed the pants back on the floor and picked up the laundry basket he had dropped in shock. He hurried to the bedroom and grabbed his phone.

"..Hey, Alfie! I know this is sudden but...Do you want to hang out tomorrow?..Really?...I was thinking we could meet by that train track we used to hide out by when we skipped...Yeah it seems odd but I..We need to talk..Please?" 

_We're all dressed up, the flowers sure are pretty_

_Mother pays her last respects I look around, no one suspects that it was me_

_I put some Drain-O in her coffee_

_Now that she is underground I'll know that you're not hanging_

_'Round for her, not for her_

_Now I know your love is true for sure_

_If you think you're seeing double, let me save you some trouble_

_This ain't no two-for-one bargain here mister_

_'Cause I'm much more than just my side_

_Had enough of two-timing guys who only want me_

_'Cause they want my sister_

Matthew remembered the night the police showed up on his doorstep. He remembered screaming that they were lying. He remembered Gilbert holding him in his arms as he sobbed and answered their questions. He remembered meeting with his parents after they had come back from confirming it was their sons body. He remembered listening to Kiku sob and vomit on the phone, disgusted with himself because he was in Japan visiting family, instead of at home with Alfred. 

Police said it was suicide. Alfred had gotten drunk and passed out on the tracks with a note in his pocket. Must have hit his head when he toppled over from the alcohol. Conductor didn't notice him in the dark. 

Matthew looked around the room of the funeral home. Their parents, Kiku's family, kids from school they hadn't seen for years..so many people were there. Alfred was loved by everyone. 

Matthew felt his stomach turn. He just wanted to scare Alfred away. He just wanted him to leave Gilbert alone. Matthew wanted to have one thing in his life that was all his, one thing. He didn't mean to push him so hard. He didn't remember writing that letter. He didn't remember forcing cheap vodka down his brothers throat. 

Matthew approached his brothers coffin slowly. He began to cry. 

'At least...You can't take him away.' Matthew thought to himself. 'Shame it had to happen this way.' 

It was five months before Gilbert proposed to him. He said that it seemed too soon, but Alfred would want Matthew to be happy.

Gilbert let out a small laugh after Matthew kissed him quickly. 

"It's funny. I was so afraid you'd say no...Took Alfred months to convince me you'd say yes. Day before he died...He swore he'd skin me if he found out I made you anything but happy." Gilbert said, smiling softly. 

Matthew felt a sharp pain in his heart. 

_It pains my heart to think of her a rotting_

_Stinking, maggot-infested, bloated and pus-oozing corpse that I leave her_

_You can't imagine just how much I miss her_

_But now I know you want me, not my sister_


End file.
